I've decided to make an anti-Twilight story. Not really a story, but you get the meaning. Anyways, for those of you who don't want to read the book, you don't have too!
P.S. it's really not that bad, I'm just ticked off at the countless Edward fangirls
Bella: I'm so perfect and my life is so tragic because I chose to move from Phoenix to Forks, Washington and PITY ME!!!!
Random guys: hi!
Bella: yuck you guys are nerds!
Random girl who turns out to be named Jessica: those pretty people over there are staring at you
Bella: ooh, they're pretty like me! except for I have to say that I don't think I'm pretty so that readers don't think that I'm all vain and stuck up!
Readers: too late
Bella: ooh, who's that perfect godlike one over there with the bronze hair? *stars in her eyes, daydreams, random crap like that*
Jessica: that's Edward Cullen, he's too pretty to date
Bella: you asked him on a date??? :0
Jessica: NO, I-
Mike: hey aren't I good enough for you Bella? did I mention how beautiful you are yet? did I mention how much I want to marry you?
Bella: wat?
Jessica: grr!
Bella: OK awkward! but i have to shift my attention back to the pretty people! OMG Edward and I are like made for each other because we're both albinos even though I'm not really and I horribly overuse that joke!
Edward: *stares at her*
Bella: GASP!!!
Plot: hmm, is this actually me?
Readers: sorry, but if it is than it's horribly pitiful
Edward's eyes: *are black*
Bella: ooh, his eyes are so perfect MARRY ME EDWARD
Mike: what about me? *sulks*
Eric: what about me? *sulks*
Fast forward to a better (not really) part of the book
Tyler's van: DIE STUPID GIRL!!!! HA HA HA
Edward: oh no my perfect Bella is going to die!!! (leaps over four cars, no this is NOT hinting that he's a vampire)
Bella: yay!
Edward: you say yay when you're about to die???
Bella: you saved me... you saved me... you saved me...
Edward: don't make me regret it. wait what am I talking about? i heart you!
Paramedic dude: she's wacko
Edward: she hit her head, put this neck brace on her
Bella: ew it makes me look like a nerd!
Carlisle: hello Bella!
Bella: GASP you're hot! but not as much as Edward!
Carlisle: there's not reason for you to stay here. go ask Edward how he managed to jump over four cars to save you life even though I have no idea why he bothered. have a good day!
Bella: ooh, Edward, I love you even though you keep telling me that we shouldn't be friends and I'm probably going to end up dying from you sucking my blood!
Logic: wait what?
Plot: I'm going to die from an overdose of pain pills.
Stay tuned for Part Two! Will Bella and Edward fall in love? Will we get lucky and have Edward kill Bella? (spoiler: unfortunately, no.)
P.S. it's really not that bad, I'm just ticked off at the countless Edward fangirls
Bella: I'm so perfect and my life is so tragic because I chose to move from Phoenix to Forks, Washington and PITY ME!!!!
Random guys: hi!
Bella: yuck you guys are nerds!
Random girl who turns out to be named Jessica: those pretty people over there are staring at you
Bella: ooh, they're pretty like me! except for I have to say that I don't think I'm pretty so that readers don't think that I'm all vain and stuck up!
Readers: too late
Bella: ooh, who's that perfect godlike one over there with the bronze hair? *stars in her eyes, daydreams, random crap like that*
Jessica: that's Edward Cullen, he's too pretty to date
Bella: you asked him on a date??? :0
Jessica: NO, I-
Mike: hey aren't I good enough for you Bella? did I mention how beautiful you are yet? did I mention how much I want to marry you?
Bella: wat?
Jessica: grr!
Bella: OK awkward! but i have to shift my attention back to the pretty people! OMG Edward and I are like made for each other because we're both albinos even though I'm not really and I horribly overuse that joke!
Edward: *stares at her*
Bella: GASP!!!
Plot: hmm, is this actually me?
Readers: sorry, but if it is than it's horribly pitiful
Edward's eyes: *are black*
Bella: ooh, his eyes are so perfect MARRY ME EDWARD
Mike: what about me? *sulks*
Eric: what about me? *sulks*
Fast forward to a better (not really) part of the book
Tyler's van: DIE STUPID GIRL!!!! HA HA HA
Edward: oh no my perfect Bella is going to die!!! (leaps over four cars, no this is NOT hinting that he's a vampire)
Bella: yay!
Edward: you say yay when you're about to die???
Bella: you saved me... you saved me... you saved me...
Edward: don't make me regret it. wait what am I talking about? i heart you!
Paramedic dude: she's wacko
Edward: she hit her head, put this neck brace on her
Bella: ew it makes me look like a nerd!
Carlisle: hello Bella!
Bella: GASP you're hot! but not as much as Edward!
Carlisle: there's not reason for you to stay here. go ask Edward how he managed to jump over four cars to save you life even though I have no idea why he bothered. have a good day!
Bella: ooh, Edward, I love you even though you keep telling me that we shouldn't be friends and I'm probably going to end up dying from you sucking my blood!
Logic: wait what?
Plot: I'm going to die from an overdose of pain pills.
Stay tuned for Part Two! Will Bella and Edward fall in love? Will we get lucky and have Edward kill Bella? (spoiler: unfortunately, no.)
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